Swinging is all about fun, exploration, connection, and yes, sex. As a couple who has been part of the swinger lifestyle for more than a few years with an overweight male half, we’ve learned that anyone can find success and satisfaction, even for overweight men in the swinger lifestyle.
However, let’s not shy away from the obvious: the swinging world, much like the rest of society, sometimes judges a book by its cover. When it comes to overweight swinger men, whether they are single or part of a couple, having success can be a little more difficult.
But we’ve found that something to set you apart from the crowd will take you a long way. It can be confidence, humor, penis size, or a great attitude. Something to make others remember you can take you a long way—no matter what the scale says.
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Overweight Men in the Swinger Lifestyle
Being an overweight man in the swinger lifestyle can present unique challenges, particularly for single men. While the swinger community is known for being open and accepting, physical appearance does play a role when it comes time for sexual play.
In general, the swinger lifestyle is extremely open and accepting so overweight swinger men may find themselves treated well socially, but they might face more obstacles when it comes to being chosen as a sexual partner, especially when there are other options available.
For example, my wife is extremely fit and attractive, but her primary focus is on personality traits like humor and how someone makes her feel good about herself. Physical appearance isn’t the most important factor for her, but when several people meet her criteria, she’s more likely to choose a partner who is more physically attractive especially when choosing a single man to play with.
This highlights that while being overweight in the swinger lifestyle is not always a deal breaker, it can still influence who gets picked when it’s time to play.
We all love making new friends and having some laughs but we also know that sexual success is just as important to overweight swinger men as any other man in the lifestyle.
Adding to the challenge, swinger men often outnumber swinger women at events, meaning women have more choices. This makes it even more critical for overweight swinger men to differentiate themselves.
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Here are some of the things overweight men in the swinger lifestyle to increase their chances of finding sexual success:
- Finding the right swinger events: This may seem obvious but not all events are equal. For overweight men in the swinger lifestyle, all events are not equal and there are events that are better for single overweight swinger men that are quite different from those that are part of a couple.
- Confidence: We can not stress this one enough. Confidence without arrogance is extremely key to success for overweight swinger men.
- Hygiene: This one is huge. You need to look and smell good. Women do not want to play with sweaty and smelly guys. You need to look and smell clean to have any shot with the ladies.
- Humor: A good sense of humor can be incredibly disarming. When you make people laugh, you instantly become more likable and approachable. Being the guy who can keep things light and fun is a huge plus in any social situation.
- Non-Creepy Complimentary Comments: Complimenting someone in a genuine, non-creepy way can go a long way in making connections. Focus on unique and thoughtful compliments that show you’re paying attention, like noticing a partner’s smile or their positive energy.
- Being a Great Partner: This one is for the overweight swinger men who are part of a couple. Supporting and uplifting your partner in the lifestyle can also make you more attractive to others. Couples who show strong, positive connections with each other often attract more interest.
- Respect for Boundaries: Understanding and respecting others’ boundaries is crucial. When people feel safe and respected around you, they’re more likely to feel comfortable and attracted to you.
- Body Language: Confidence often speaks louder through your actions than your words. Stand tall, make eye contact, and approach situations with an open, relaxed posture. Positive body language can make you more approachable and appealing.
- Improve Other Physical Aspects: We all know that losing weight is hard. If you can’t seem to do it concentrate of some other physical aspects like putting on some muscle.
- Don’t Give Up: This does not mean to bug people or stalk them. What it means is that many swingers are not ready to play at certain points in the night and that doesn’t mean they won’t be ready later on.
- Penis Size: It might sound superficial, but if this is something you’re confident about, it can be a factor that boosts your self-assurance. If you have a good-sized penis, many women (not all) find that an attractive quality when looking for a sexual partner. Find venues where it is ok to show off your assets like clothing-optional resorts or clothing-optional parties.
We will take a closer look at each of these suggestions for overweight swinger men later on. But before we get into that let’s take a look at some other major factors for overweight swinger men.
Will swinger women play with overweight swinger men?
In a nutshell, many swinger women are more than willing to play with overweight swinger men. My wife is a great example of this. She is an extremely attractive and fit swinger. She gets plenty of attraction at swinger events and she has absolutely no problem with overweight swinger men.
The key to getting her interested is to have fun and engaging conversations plus a few well-placed compliments do not hurt at all. If you can make her laugh and feel good about herself, then she may be interested in taking it to the next step.
This does not mean that she goes out for the night to an event and is looking to hook up with overweight swinger men just that it is not a deal-breaker. What she is looking for is a combination of looks, fitness, personality, humor, confidence, and how that person makes her feel.
If you are an overweight swinger man and therefore lack fitness, you would have to step up your game in other areas. I think her attitude is pretty common among swinger women. Overweight swinger men is not what they are looking for in particular but it is not the only consideration and you can overcome this disadvantage and still have success.
Overweight Swinger Men: Being single vs being part of a couple
There is a big difference in how things can play out for overweight swinger men in the lifestyle when you are single versus being part of a couple. The road for single men is undeniably harder but not impossible. Here are some of the key differences.
Couples With Overweight Swinger Men
This is the category that we fall into and it is definitely a lot easier than what the single men have to face. As part of a couple, most other swinger couples and single ladies look at you and your partner as a package deal.
It is often hard to find another couple where you find both of the partners extremely attractive. My wife and I never “take one for the team” but that does not mean that sometimes we aren’t willing to look at someone a little differently because we find their partner really attractive.
So as part of a couple, overweight swinger men can sometimes benefit from their partner’s attractiveness. This is not always a good thing. It can be hard on your self-confidence. I know that I have on occasion felt like the only reason another couple is playing with us is because my wife is so attractive and that I am the add-on. This is not a great feeling and it is important to work on your self-confidence so that you do not feel that way.
Even though you can find success as part of a couple, the satisfaction is much greater when you find yourself desired in the swinger lifestyle. By using some of our suggestions to up your game as an overweight swinger man, you can find yourself more as a desired member of the couple and less as an add-on to a package deal.
Finding yourself as a desired member of a couple will only increase your self-confidence and in turn up your swinger game even more.
Single Overweight Swinger Men
I am going to be brutally honest on this one. It is a tough but not impossible task for single overweight men in the swinger lifestyle. When people are fantasizing about a sexy MFM threesome or a hotwife-type situation, what they envision in their heads is not an overweight man.
The good news is that reality doesn’t always match up with our fantasies and you can do a lot of things that will up your chances. The big thing to accept is that just like with couples, things do not always work out every night. You need to be able to accept that and be able to maintain a positive attitude.
The single man needs to find the right event that will up his chances and go out of his way to have confidence without cockiness. He needs to be able to engage in conversations without seeming creepy or overbearing.
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Perhaps the biggest mistake I see on the part of single men in the swinger lifestyle is ignoring the male half of the couple. I know that the female half is the focus and what we all really want to have fun with but you need to remember that a couple is a couple. The woman is not looking for someone to replace her partner but for someone to have an experience that will enhance her experience with her partner.
From our experience, I can give you a few examples of this. The first is what I call the vultures. These are the single men who wait for the male half to walk away and then swoop in to try and entice the female partner. Like many other male halves of swinger couples, I find that to be somewhat dishonest and makes me distrust the man. It is not like the woman is going to make a decision and take off with you without checking with her partner and this behavior makes it an immediate no on my part.
The second one is men who brag about their sexual prowess too much. This bragging makes us feel that they are compensating for something else. It is annoying and leads us to think that the guy really does not understand the swinger lifestyle. Swingers are looking for diversity and something different in their sex lives, they are not looking to replace anything with something better. Plus, she usually finds that the ones who don’t brag are usually better when you actually make that sexual connection.
The third thing is to not ignore the male half of the couple. You can focus on the female but don’t forget to engage the male partner in your conversation. If he asks you a question or tries to make conversation, answer him and do not speak only to the woman. He is there to make sure his partner has fun but he also has to feel comfortable or the deal will be off.
I am talking about couples here with a heterosexual male partner. I am not bi-sexual and am not familiar with how the dynamics of those types of things work in the swinger lifestyle. However, it is important to find out what a couple is actually looking for before going too far. You don’t want to be a heterosexual overweight single-swinger man looking for a hotwife situation and end up in a situation with a bi-curious man.
The focus should always be on the woman but I have seen so many single overweight swinger men ruin their chances of success by ignoring the couple.
An In-Depth Look At Our Suggestions For Overweight Men In The Swinger Lifestyle
Let’s take a closer look at some of the things that overweight swinger men can do to increase their chances of having success with swinger sexual partners.
Finding the right swinger events
Finding the right swinger events is key to success in the swinger lifestyle. This is how you get the ball rolling. The first step to having success as an overweight swinger man is to meet other swingers. The things you are looking for are a little different depending on if you are a single man or a swinger couple.
My favorite website for finding great swinger events is SLS (SwingLifestyle), This site has an amazing listing of clubs, resorts, swinger groups, and more that you can search by your location. This is our favorite swinger event website and is always our first stop when trying to find a swinger event to attend and have some fun at. It is free to join and check out plus it offers the option of being able to message other swingers that have signed up to attend any events that you may be interested in.
SwingLifeStyle.com
The type of events that you are going to be looking on SLS to attend vary based on whether you are a single overweight man or part of a couple. First of all, as a single man, you are looking for an event that allows single men (not all of them do as many are couples and single ladies only).
Other considerations for single men are the costs and the single-man ratio. The cost can vary quite a bit for single men and a lot of events hit single guys pretty hard on this as a way to make money and control the number of men quite a bit, The ratio of single men is important as well, many parties limit the number of single men which sounds like a pain but a better ration can work in your favor. Sign up early for events with limited numbers of single men to improve your chances. If the event listing doesn’t give this info just message the listed host and ask. Most will get back to you quickly.
For overweight swinger men that are part of a couple the process is a little simpler. All listed swinger events that I have ever seen are open to couples. For the men who are part of a couple, the advice is the opposite. You should look for events that do not allow single men unless that is something you are looking to experience with your partner.
The events that are couples only will be filled with couples that are looking to connect with other couples sexually and will increase your odds of finding success. We love finding these events and reaching out on SLS to introduce ourselves and then meet the people at the events. Sometimes this gives us a conversation starter by just walking up and saying “We are the couple from SLS that you messaged with.”
Another website that can be extremely beneficial is AFF (Adult Friend Finder). This swinger website is a little different as it focuses on meeting one-on-one (or couple-on-couple) with other swingers. This website is very photo/video focused and this can be a little challenging for overweight swinger men but offers great rewards.
This website lets you connect with extremely local swingers who may be interested in hooking up. This is definitely the best for finding local swinger couples or even some local swinger single ladies. It is extremely easy to navigate and you will be surprised at how many people may be available in your state.
First of all, don’t post fake or doctored pictures. Your goal is to meet up with these people and nothing is a greater turn-off than meeting someone who looks nothing like their picture. You should put your best real pictures and videos out there to see who might be interested. The results could surprise you.
Another word of advice is not to put just a dick picture out there. No matter how impressive it is, swingers want to see more than that. Your full body picture is best even if it shows you as an overweight swinger man.
We have met some incredible swingers on AFF and had some great times with them. It is free to check out and is well worth a look.
Confidence is Sexy
The biggest lesson we’ve learned? Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac. When you walk into a room with a positive attitude, ready to have fun and connect with others, people respond to that energy. Sure, there may be some who are turned off by extra weight, but there are also many who find confidence and self-assuredness incredibly attractive.
For overweight men in the lifestyle, it’s important to remember that you bring value to every encounter. Whether it’s your sense of humor, your kindness, your ability to make others feel comfortable, or your enthusiasm for the lifestyle, these qualities can outweigh any physical insecurities. Embrace who you are, be upfront about your desires, and don’t be afraid to take the initiative when meeting new people.
I know this can be easier said than done but try to set goals for yourself. Have a goal of introducing yourself to three swinger couples at an event. Walk up, say hi, compliment the lady, and go from there. Don’t be arrogant or overbearing.
Many conversations that end up with my wife having some sexual fun start with some rather mundane topics like where are you from, what do you do, and my favorite is what do you find fun? That last one is my favorite because you may get a totally innocent answer or you may get an incredibly wild and sexy answer.
While confidence is key for the overweight swinger man be sure not to go too far into cockiness. Don’t brag or belittle others. The key to success is to make others feel good about themselves. Use your confidence to make others want to be around you.
Hygiene
This is a simple factor that many overweight swinger men might overlook but it needs to be of concern at all times. Nobody is out there looking to play with a sweaty and smelly guy. This will absolutely kill any chance of success that you may have.
Be sure to shower thoroughly before attending any events. Deodorant is your friend. A little cologne can help but be sure to not overdue it. A little cologne can help but a strong cologne can be a turn-off on its own.
In addition to smelling good, make sure that your hair is neat and at an appropriate length for your hairstyle. If you have a beard or mustache, make sure it is trimmed and looking good.
Humor
This one can be hard for overweight swinger men. You want to have a good sense of humor but don’t want to fall into the overweight jokester stereotype. You do not want to have a list of jokes to reel off at swinger events but instead want some funny comments that you can weave into a natural flowing conversation.
I find that a big key to being funny is laughing at the jokes that other people make. Your laugh will be infectious. If a swinger couple or swinger lady believes that you find them fun, they will in turn be more likely to find you humorous as well.
Non-Creepy Complimentary Comments
This can be a great way for overweight men in the swinger lifestyle to set themselves apart from the crowd. Some carefully placed complimentary comments can make all of the difference for success. This applies equally to both single and swinger men that are part of a couple.
When making these compliments, it is important not to come across as creepy. It is appropriate to tell a female swinger how lovely they look but it is not appropriate to dwell on her looks so much to the exclusion of personality and other qualities. Everyone at these events is horny and it is easy to focus solely on looks but putting a little extra effort into your compliments will go a long way.
I find an easy way to do this is to compliment their outfit. They will appreciate it and it is basically a way to say they are smoking hot without saying it directly. If you engage in a conversation with a lovely lady with incredible breasts, compliment her eyes. She knows everyone is staring at her breasts but the compliment about her eyes will set you apart.
Be creative, this will set you apart from all of the other swinger men and she will remember it.
Being a Great Partner
If you are part of a couple, being a great partner means showing respect, caring, and playfulness with your significant other. When you are trying to have some sexual fun, this will put the other couple or single woman at ease. They will know that you have these traits that you will show the same with their partner. This will put everyone at ease and up your chances of success.
If you are an overweight single man, being a great partner is respecting that the couple with the woman you are after is really a couple that is considering letting you into their lives for a short time. Being respectful and caring can be essential to culminating the relationship. The woman is looking for someone who is going to be fun but is usually looking for something to make her feel wanted and desired. The male part of the couple is looking for someone who will excite his partner but also someone he trusts with the most important person in his life.
It is important to give off that vibe that you are trustworthy and are not just in it for what makes you happy.
Respect for Boundaries
.In the swinger lifestyle, respect for boundaries is key, especially for overweight swinger men who want to make a good impression. It’s all about being polite and understanding that everyone has their own limits. When you’re around couples, remember that you’re being welcomed into their dynamic. Always ask before making any moves—never assume someone is into something just because they’re in the lifestyle.
For the ladies, respect their personal space and choices. Don’t pressure them or make them uncomfortable; being pushy is a fast way to get cut off from any potential fun. Pay attention to body language, and if someone seems hesitant, back off. Enthusiastic consent is what you want!
Couples often have their own set of rules. Be sure to ask and understand these before engaging. It could be anything from “no kissing” to certain positions or even time limits. Whatever the boundary, honor it. If you’re unclear on something, don’t be afraid to ask. The more respectful you are, the more likely you’ll be invited for some sexual fun.
In short, respect for boundaries isn’t just polite—it’s essential to creating a positive, fun experience for everyone involved.
Body Language
Having open and confident body language can be essential for overweight swinger men. This can show that you are open, friendly, and approachable.
Body language plays a critical role in attracting women because it communicates confidence, approachability, and interest without words. Open, relaxed postures show that you’re comfortable and secure, while good eye contact signals genuine attention. Smiling and mirroring her movements create rapport and establish a connection. Subtle gestures, like leaning in slightly, can convey interest.
Improve Other Physical Aspects
We all know that losing weight is hard. Life is hectic and as oddly as it sounds eating healthy and losing weight can be time-consuming and hard to fit into the workweek. If you struggle with counting calories, try focusing on something else.
My big suggestion for overweight swinger men would be to hit the weights. This doesn’t mean you have to live at the gym or anything like that just that lifting weights a few times a week can add on some muscle mass and improve your appeal in the swinger lifestyle.
I have heard more than a few women say that they find the burly working men type to be very attractive. I have even heard this from a few really cute twenty-something swingers who were on the prowl for some middle-aged swinger action.
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In addition to the muscle making you a little more attractive to some swinger women, you may find that the extra muscle helps you to tone down your belly a little bit. Muscle burns more calories and strengthening your abdominal muscles can help with the belly bulge.
Another way to improve your appearance is through your wardrobe. As an overweight swinger man, I understand the appeal of shorts and a loose-fitting shirt but this is not the way to go. Women often find a well-dressed man very appealing.
A well-groomed man with a stylish button-down shirt, dress pants, and nice shoes can set himself apart from the crowd. Of course, dress for the event. This may not be the best outfit for a pool party but I am sure you know what I mean.
Don’t Give Up
Even the best-looking swingers out there do not find success every night so it is important to not give up. Find a swinger venue that you enjoy, make new friends, and see where things go from there. If you want to be in the swinger lifestyle as an overweight man to have sex every weekend, then you are probably going to be disappointed.
If you really are joining to make new interesting friends that will occasionally lead to some incredibly wild sexual adventures then the swinger lifestyle can be incredibly rewarding.
Even if it is difficult for you to be outgoing, being persistent can help. I am not always the biggest conversation starter but when you keep going to events and seeing the same people, you eventually start to feel comfortable around them and they are comfortable with you.
I can’t say how many times I have run into the same people at multiple events and eventually, we start talking like we have known each other for a while. A good tip to help with this is the friendly wave. When you see a familiar face at a party, if they are engaged in conversation or if you are not feeling brave enough to talk with them, just give a friendly wave on the way by. This helps to build a connection between you and the other swingers and the feeling that you know each other.
Sometimes you just need to see people a few times or show up at an event a few times for people to feel comfortable with you and for you to feel comfortable with them.
From our own experience, my wife has on several occasions been interested in a single man that she had met before when not being particularly interested the previous nights. Like many women, what she is looking for can vary from night to night.
Being consistent, friendly, and outgoing can definitely pay off down the road.
Penis Size
Penis size is one of those topics that can really get a conversation going in the swinger lifestyle. Check out any swinger forums or chat groups and you will find it mentioned all the time.
The most important thing to remember is that penis size is not the most important factor for overweight men in the swinger lifestyle. There are many other factors that most women will consider to be more important when picking a partner like looks, confidence, hygiene, and personality before penis size.
With that being said having a good penis size can definitely help you out when checking out the swinger lifestyle, especially for single overweight swinger men. A look at swinger groups and studies show that women in general have a preference for a larger-than-average penis. Not necessarily a swinging salami put one that has some size to it.
Having a larger penis can definitely up your odds of finding someone sexually interested in you. If a swinger woman is choosing between a confident, clean, great-personality guy with a below-average penis and a smelly, no-personality guy with an eight-inch penis she will probably pick the confident, great-personality guy with a below-average penis. But if she is picking between two confident, clean, great-personality guys she is more likely to pick the one with the bigger penis.
This is not universal and is a generalization but if you talk with swinger women and read what is being said in the groups then you know it is the truth for most women.
This can be even more important with overweight swinger men as those extra pounds work against you and can make your penis look smaller than it actually is.
This was one of my concerns when I started swinging and I decided to do something about it. There are things that you can do to both make your penis appear bigger and to actually make it bigger. Check out The Truth About Swinger Penis Size: How I learned to love my penis for tips and tricks on what to do.
If your time is short, here are a few quick tips to improve your penis size appearance and actual penis size:
- Trim the forest: Trimming up your pubic hair will make your penis appear bigger than it does when buried in a forest of pubic hair. Most women appreciate the trimmed appearance as well.
- Losing weight: We have discussed how difficult this can be but losing some weight reduces the fat pad around the penis. This fat can make your penis appear much smaller than it actually is. Some estimates say that your penis appears one inch smaller for every extra 30 pounds that you have.
- Make your penis bigger: There are no magic pills or lotions that will do this for you but there is one scientifically proven method (British Journal of Urology article Non-invasive methods of penile lengthening: fact or fiction?), This method is through the use of penis traction devices like the Total Man System. This method is not quick or easy but it really does work and is the method I used to increase my penis size significantly and increase my confidence.
Once again, I want to stress that you can be successful in the swinger world without a huge penis but I can tell you from personal experience that having a large penis can definitely help you on many occasions.
If you have this asset, be sure to find events that help you to show it off. There are clothing-optional resorts and parties that make this easy or sometimes a party that lists on SLS (SwingLifestyle) that will mention a dress-down time which means that clothing is pretty much optional at that point.
This is essential because bragging about it or whipping it out randomly is not going to get you anywhere other than perhaps booted out of the event.
Final Thoughts
So, to all the overweight swinger men out there considering or already in the swinger lifestyle: don’t let your weight hold you back. Yes, there will be challenges, but there are also plenty of opportunities for fun, excitement, connection, and great sex. Be confident, be yourself, and remember that swinging is about much more than just physical appearance. With the right attitude, you’ll find that the lifestyle can be just as rewarding for you as it is for anyone else.
Help for Overweight Swinger Men To Meet Other Swingers
There are a couple of online sites that overweight swinger men can use to meet up with other local swingers. These sites are SLS (SwingLifestyle) and AFF (Adult Friend Finder). We use these sites to meet the couples that we hook up with at the swinger clubs, swinger resorts, and sometimes just on our own.
SLS (SwingLifeStyle)
SwingLifeStyle.com
SLS is by far the biggest and most popular website for swingers. This is the website where Swinger House Parties and Swinger groups post all of their events. Overweight swinger men can connect with other members who are going to these events ahead of time.
This website is free to join and check out but you will need to upgrade to use all of the messaging functions. SLS (SwingLifestyle) is a must for swingers who will be attending events and is the number one site I would recommend.
Adult Friend Finder
Adult Friend Finder is quite different than SLS (SwingLifestyle). It is more geared toward making individual connections with other swingers and not toward meeting others at events or clubs. AFF users tend to post a lot more public pictures. We use AFF to set up one-on-one swinger dates outside of events.
Important Note To Overweight Male Swingers
When my wife and I first started in the swinger lifestyle, we found all kinds of articles dealing with the fears and insecurities of women but very little for overweight swinger men. I found that with many swinger couples, the woman has the confidence and the swinger drive while the man has major worries that hold him back.
Erection Quality in the Swinger Lifestyle
Having fun in the swinger lifestyle is hard when you are worried about maintaining your erection. This was a problem that I had at one point. The libido was there and I wanted to perform but I could not get the erection that I needed.
If you have any concerns about erection quality, check out this article on at-home acoustic wave therapy. The Hollywood elite has used this type of revolutionary treatment for years. The Phoenix Device let me get rock-hard erections that gave me the confidence for the swinger lifestyle.
Penis Size and the Swinger Lifestyle
Like many men, I had always been worried about my penis size. When my wife wanted to get involved in the swinger lifestyle, my penis size anxiety increased.
Check out The Truth About Swinger Penis Size for information on this delicate subject. What is the average swinger’s penis size, does penis size matter to swingers, how to make your penis appear bigger, and how to make your penis bigger (yes, this is scientifically possible with a little catch).
This can be even more important for overweight swinger men as those extra pounds can make your penis appear smaller. Anything that you can do to offset that appearance can only help.
The Swinger Inferiority Fear
This fear had a lot to do with the previous two issues but I was very worried that my wife would find me sexually inferior after dabbling in the swinger lifestyle. Would my jealousies and insecurities get in the way of our having a fun time?
Read Male Swinger Insecurities for the story of how I overcame these fears.