When my wife and I first started exploring the swinger lifestyle, I had one major insecurity running through my head.
How would my penis size compare to the swinger penis size my wife might encounter in the lifestyle?
Like many men considering swinging for the first time, I worried about whether I would measure up in an environment where nudity and sexual comparisons are much more visible. We had heard plenty of stories about men in the lifestyle being extremely large, and concerns about how I would compare almost stopped me from entering the swinger world.
After years of attending swinger clubs, resorts, hotel takeovers, and other lifestyle events, I can say this with confidence: the average swinger penis size is noticeably larger than what you find in the general public.
While penis size is not the only factor, or even the most important factor, in the swinger lifestyle, it would also be dishonest to say it plays no role at all.
Confidence, personality, and social skills often matter more than swinger penis size when it comes to meeting couples and enjoying the lifestyle. However, the reality is that a larger penis can sometimes attract attention and open opportunities that might not otherwise happen.
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The Truth About Swinger Penis Size
The average swinger penis size appears to be somewhat larger than the general population average. Scientific studies show the average erect penis length is about 5.16 inches. Based on years of observation at swinger clubs, resorts, and lifestyle events, the typical swinger penis size often appears to exceed six inches on average.
There are several likely reasons for this difference. Swinger environments often involve public nudity and sexual openness, which naturally attract men who are confident in their bodies. Larger men may also receive more attention in certain situations, which can encourage continued participation in the lifestyle.
However, penis size is rarely the only factor in swinger success. Confidence, personality, communication skills, and social chemistry usually matter as much when it comes to forming connections with other couples.
That said, it would also be unrealistic to pretend size never matters. In certain dynamics or fantasies within the lifestyle, a larger penis can attract attention and occasionally create opportunities that might not otherwise occur.
Is anxiety about swinger penis size common?
Like many men, I have always had some insecurity about my penis size. When my wife and I first started seriously discussing entering the swinger lifestyle, those insecurities came rushing to the surface. In fact, concerns about swinger penis size almost stopped me from joining the lifestyle entirely.
There is a tendency for people to dismiss men’s concerns about penis size, but that really does not help anyone. Men are allowed to worry about their weight, their hair, their careers, and a thousand other things. So why should penis size be the one concern that people are expected to simply ignore?
The truth is that penis size is not always the most important factor in the swinger lifestyle, but anyone who claims it does not matter at all is not being completely honest either.
You can absolutely be a successful swinger with an average or even below-average penis size. Confidence, personality, social skills, and chemistry with other couples often matter far more in most situations.
However, the reality is that a larger penis can sometimes attract attention and open doors that might not otherwise be there. Certain fantasies and dynamics in the lifestyle do involve size, and men who are noticeably larger will occasionally benefit from that.
Confidence is often considered the most important trait for men in the lifestyle, but it can be difficult to project confidence when you are worried about measuring up to the commonly large average swinger penis size.
The important thing is to look at the situation honestly. Understand the real role that penis size plays in the swinger lifestyle, then decide how you want to approach it. In the end, the goal is simple. Do not let anxiety about swinger penis size stop you from exploring something that could bring excitement and connection into your relationship.
What Is the Average Penis Size for the General Public?
Before discussing average swinger penis size, it helps to understand the baseline.
The most widely cited research on penis size was published in the British Journal of Urology International. Researchers analyzed measurements from more than 15,000 men, with all measurements taken by medical professionals rather than relying on self-reported data.
The results found:
Average erect length: 5.16 inches
Average erect girth: 4.5 inches
Average flaccid length: 3.6 inches
At first glance, these averages may seem lower than what many men have heard over the years. That is largely because this study used professionally measured data, not surveys where men simply report their own size.
Self-reported studies tend to produce inflated numbers for two main reasons. First, many men do not measure their penis correctly. Second, and perhaps not surprisingly, some men exaggerate their size when answering anonymous surveys.
This study avoided those problems by using consistent medical measurement techniques.
Penis length in these studies is measured along the top side of the penis, starting at the pubic bone where the penis meets the body and extending to the tip of the glans. Measuring along the side or underside of the penis can add length to the measurement, but it does not produce an accurate or standardized result.
Because these studies use standardized measurement methods, the results are far more reliable than the numbers people commonly hear in casual conversations or online discussions. When you constantly hear men claiming to be 8+ inches, the reality is that most of those measurements come from incorrect measuring methods or simple exaggeration.
Another important finding from this research is that most men fall very close to the average range. About 80% of men have an erect penis length between 4.3 inches and 6 inches, meaning extremely large sizes are actually uncommon in the general population.
Understanding these numbers helps put average swinger penis size into perspective and gives men a better idea of how they compare to the general population.
What Is the Average Swinger Penis Size?
When it comes to estimating the average swinger penis size, the information is naturally less scientific than the general population studies discussed above. There are currently no formal studies measuring penis size specifically within the swinger community, so any conclusions have to come from real-world observation rather than controlled research.
That said, after many years of attending swinger clubs, resorts, hotel takeovers, and lifestyle events, my wife and I have spent a lot of time paying attention to this question. When we first entered the lifestyle, penis size was one of my biggest concerns, so we made a point of observing what people were actually encountering in real swinger environments.
Between the two of us, we have seen hundreds or even thousands of men over the years in both flaccid and erect states at swinger resorts, clubs, and events. While we obviously are not walking around with rulers measuring people, we have still tried to arrive at a realistic estimate.
My wife, in particular, has become surprisingly accurate at estimating size. She is very numbers-oriented, and because of my ongoing interest in the topic and research for our articles, she developed a simple method of estimating length using her hands. Over time, she has become very good at translating that hand measurement into inches. When we have tested her estimates with friends who were willing to measure themselves, she is usually accurate to within about a quarter inch.
Based on those observations, our estimate is that the average swinger penis size tends to run larger than the general population average. In general terms, we estimate the average flaccid size to be roughly about ¾ of an inch longer than the general population average, and the average erect size to be slightly over 6 inches, which is roughly an inch longer than the overall statistical average.
It is also worth noting that girth tends to appear somewhat larger as well, although that is harder to estimate accurately without actual measurements.
Even though the average swinger penis size appears larger, there is still plenty of variation both above and below that average. Not every swinger is large, and you will absolutely see men of many different sizes in the lifestyle.
One interesting observation is that while sizes are often larger than average, they are nowhere near the extreme numbers that are often claimed in casual conversations or online discussions. After years of attending swinger events, the largest penis my wife has personally encountered measured at roughly 9.5 inches, and that individual was noticeably larger than almost everyone else present. He stood out precisely because he was so far outside the typical range.
Despite spending years around swinger environments where nudity is common, she has never encountered anything close to the 12-inch measurements that people sometimes claim online. Numbers like that are most likely the result of incorrect measuring methods or exaggeration.
The reality is that while the average swinger penis size does tend to be significantly larger than the general population, it is still very much within a realistic biological range. Most men in the lifestyle fall somewhere in the moderately above-average range, with only occasional outliers that stand significantly apart from the crowd.
This raises an obvious question: why does the average swinger penis size appear to be larger than what we see in the general population?
Why the Average Swinger Penis Size May Be Larger
The next logical question is obvious. If the general population average is just over five inches, why does the average swinger penis size appear noticeably larger in lifestyle environments?
There is no formal scientific research on this question, so the explanations are based on observation and common sense. After years of attending swinger clubs, resorts, hotel takeovers, and private parties, a few patterns have become pretty clear.
Self-Selection and Confidence
The most likely explanation is simple self-selection.
Swinger environments often involve public nudity. At clubs, it may be in playrooms, hot tubs, or showers. At swinger resorts and clothing-optional events, nudity can be common all day long around the pool, in the sauna, or while walking around the property.
When your body is visible in those environments, penis size becomes something that people will naturally notice.
Human nature plays a role here. Men who feel confident about their bodies are far more likely to put themselves into environments where their bodies are visible. Men who feel insecure about their size are more likely to avoid those situations altogether.
That creates a natural filtering effect. The men who show up repeatedly in swinger environments tend to be the ones who are comfortable with what they have.
I nearly talked myself out of entering the lifestyle because of these exact fears, and I was slightly above average when we started. It is easy to imagine how intimidating those environments might feel for someone who believes they are well below average.
On the other hand, men who have been told their entire lives that they are large tend to carry that confidence with them. Those men are far more comfortable letting it all hang out in environments where nudity is normal.
Success and Repeat Participation
Another factor that likely contributes to the perception of larger average swinger penis size is simple reinforcement through success and repetition.
While swinger penis size is not the only factor that determines success in the lifestyle, size can sometimes play a role in attracting interest. Some women find a larger penis more visually appealing, while others enjoy the physical sensation of a larger partner. In other cases, curiosity alone can be a factor. Swingers are often interested in new experiences, and a noticeably larger partner can fall into that category.
Because of this, men who are larger than average may occasionally have an easier time attracting attention in certain situations. That attention can lead to more opportunities to participate. Success naturally encourages repeat participation. Men who have positive experiences at swinger events are more likely to return, attend more events, and stay active in the lifestyle over time.
On the other hand, men who struggle to find partners may become discouraged and participate less frequently or leave the scene entirely. Over time, that kind of self-selection can gradually shift the group of regular participants toward men who tend to have higher success rates.
This dynamic does not mean that swinger penis size is the only thing that matters. Personality, confidence, communication skills, and chemistry are often far more important in most encounters. However, in some situations, a larger size can help a man stand out, and that increased attention can lead to more participation in the lifestyle over time.
Confidence and Participation
Confidence also plays a huge role in how active someone becomes in the swinger lifestyle. Outgoing, socially confident men tend to do better at swinger events. They approach couples more easily, they communicate better, and they are generally more comfortable in sexual environments.
Confidence in one area of life often overlaps with confidence in others. A man who is comfortable with his body and sexuality is simply more likely to participate actively in the lifestyle.
Swinger Single Men and Bulls Tend to Be Larger
Another observation that becomes obvious over time is that the average penis size of single men in the lifestyle often appears even larger than the average among men who attend as part of couples.
Single men are only successful in the lifestyle if they are confident, socially skilled, and willing to put themselves out there. The men who repeatedly succeed in that role tend to be the ones who stand out in multiple ways, including confidence and physical presence.
In many lifestyle environments, these men are often referred to as bulls, particularly at events that focus on hotwife or BBC-style dynamics.
Curious about the BBC dynamic in the swinger lifestyle?
Read our article Why Women Love BBC to find out what drives this popular swinger theme.
At these types of parties, size is often part of the fantasy itself. It is very common for the men who regularly attend and succeed in those environments to be noticeably larger than average.
Clothing-Optional Resorts Amplify This Effect
The same pattern shows up even more clearly at swinger resorts or clothing-optional events.
At these venues, people are often naked or nearly naked for large portions of the day, not just during sexual encounters. When everyone is walking around the pool, lounging in the sun, or relaxing in hot tubs without clothing, penis size becomes immediately visible.
Thinking about visiting a lifestyle resort?
Check out our guide to the Top 5 Florida Swinger Resorts to see what the experience is actually like.
In those environments, size is often one of the first things people notice. Men who are comfortable being seen tend to gravitate toward those spaces, while men who are more self-conscious are less likely to attend.
Over time, this again creates a self-selection effect where the men who participate most actively in those environments tend to be the ones who are already confident in their bodies.
The Bottom Line On Why Swinger Penis Size Appears Larger
Put all of these factors together, and the pattern starts to make sense.
The swinger lifestyle does not magically change biology. But environments that involve nudity, confidence, and sexual openness naturally attract men who are comfortable showing their bodies.
Over time, that self-selection effect makes the average swinger penis size appear noticeably larger than what you would expect to find in the general population.
And once someone spends time in those environments, the difference in average swinger penis size becomes hard to ignore.
So Does Swinger Penis Size Matter?
This is the question many men really want answered.
After years in the lifestyle and many conversations with other swingers, the honest answer is simple: penis size is often an important factor in success within the swinger lifestyle. While it is not usually the most important factor, it would also be dishonest to say it doesn’t matter.
I have talked about this topic with my wife and with hundreds of other swingers over the years, and a few things consistently stand out.
First, you can be successful as a swinger regardless of penis size. Outgoing men who are relaxed and confident around other couples usually do far better than men who are anxious or insecure. When people are at swinger events, they are there to socialize, flirt, laugh, and have fun. Someone who is enjoyable to be around will almost always have more success than someone who is awkward or overly focused on comparisons.
My wife once summed it up in a way that stuck with me. She said she would take a Brad Pitt with a good personality and a five-inch penis over a Ron Jeremy with a huge penis any day. However, she would also pick a Brad Pitt with a good personality and an eight-inch penis over a Brad Pitt with a five-inch one.
A larger penis will often get noticed at swinger events. In environments where nudity is common, size is visible, and people do notice it. Some women find a larger penis visually appealing. Others enjoy the physical sensation of a larger partner. Sometimes curiosity alone plays a role, especially in a community where new experiences are part of the appeal.
Because of that, men with a noticeably larger penis will sometimes attract attention that average men might not receive as quickly. Certain fantasies in the lifestyle also involve size differences, and in those situations, a larger penis can absolutely create opportunities that might not otherwise happen.
It also affects confidence. Like it or not, many men feel more confident in sexual environments when they believe they measure up physically. That confidence often shows in body language, conversation, and willingness to participate socially.
I can say from personal experience that this dynamic is real. When my wife and I first started exploring the lifestyle, I was very aware of how I compared to other men. Later, after improving my own size and confidence, I noticed a very real difference in both how comfortable I felt in those same environments and the opportunities that were presented to me.
A real-world example was when my wife and I were at the nude pool one late night at the Hedonism swinger resort. We had been talking with another couple, and things escalated. At one point, the woman had me sit on the edge of the pool while she performed oral sex. A couple of other women nearby started watching and commenting to my wife about my size. My wife jokingly told them they should try it themselves.
Before long, there were four women taking turns while my wife watched and laughed from the pool. The funny part is that I am otherwise a pretty average middle-aged guy with a typical dad bod. The one thing that stood out in that moment was my penis size.
A situation like that does not happen every day, but it does illustrate the reality that size can sometimes attract attention in the lifestyle.
The bottom line is this: you can absolutely thrive in the swinger lifestyle with an average penis size. Many of the most socially successful men in the lifestyle are completely average. But it is also true that a larger penis can sometimes draw attention, spark curiosity, and occasionally open doors that might otherwise stay closed.
Understanding that balance is the most realistic way to look at swinger penis size.
What Penis Size Do Women Prefer?
This is the part of the discussion that many men find uncomfortable, but there has actually been scientific research on the subject.
One of the most well-known examples of this was published in a 2015 study by researchers from the University of California and the University of New Mexico. Instead of relying on general questionnaires, the researchers used 33 different 3D penis models representing various combinations of length and circumference. Female participants were asked to select the models that most closely matched their preferred size for sexual partners.
The results showed a consistent pattern. For long-term partners, the average preferred penis size was about 6.3 inches in length with a circumference of about 4.8 inches. For short-term partners, the preferred size was about 6.4 inches long with roughly 5.0 inches in circumference.
Those numbers are significantly larger than the statistical average. The most widely cited medical research on penis size, published in BJU International, analyzed measurements from over 15,000 men and found that the average erect penis length is about 5.1 inches.
That means the sizes women selected in the preference study were roughly 20% longer than the average penis. According to the BJU International data, a penis of that length falls near the upper end of the size distribution, with only about 2–3% of men reaching that range.
However, length alone does not tell the whole story. The study also showed that women tended to prefer a greater circumference, which significantly increases overall penis volume.
Volume is actually the most realistic way to think about size because it represents the amount of space the penis occupies during intercourse. In simple terms, volume is what a partner actually feels during penetration, not just the visible length.
When both length and girth are considered together, the difference becomes even larger. Based on the measurements chosen in the study, the preferred penis size for short-term partners represents roughly a 50% increase in total volume compared to the average penis size.
In our experience, this preference for larger size may be even more noticeable within the swinger lifestyle. Swinger women tend to be sexually confident and open about what they enjoy. Many are natural explorers who are comfortable discussing their desires in ways that women in more traditional dating environments might not be. Because of that openness, they may also be more willing to admit that they enjoy a partner who is somewhat larger than average.
In our conversations with many swinger couples, this observation tends to come up repeatedly. Most women are not looking for the extreme sizes that get exaggerated online, but many admit they enjoy a partner in the roughly seven to eight inch range because it creates a different and memorable experience compared to the average.
That does not mean every woman prefers a larger penis, and it certainly does not mean penis size is the only factor that matters. Attraction, chemistry, personality, and sexual skill still play major roles in sexual compatibility.
But the research does suggest that penis size can be one factor that influences sexual preference, particularly in more casual encounters. In environments like the swinger lifestyle, where curiosity and new experiences are common, those preferences can sometimes become more visible.
Tips For Improving Penis Size Appearance
For men worried about swinger penis size, there are several ways to improve appearance and confidence without actually changing size.
Grooming
Trimming or shaving pubic hair can make the penis appear noticeably larger by exposing more of the base.
This is one of the simplest and most effective visual improvements.
Weight Loss
Excess body fat around the pubic area can partially hide the base of the penis.
Losing weight can sometimes reveal an additional half inch or more of visible length.
Stronger Erections
Improving erection quality is one of the easiest ways to improve the visual impact of your swinger penis size.
Improving cardiovascular health, exercising regularly, and maintaining good overall health can significantly improve erection firmness and appearance.
Women in the swinger lifestyle often enjoy the visual excitement of a partner who is clearly turned on. Few things signal that excitement more clearly than a strong, fully firm erection.
If you have concerns about erection quality, do not be afraid to talk with your doctor about medications such as Viagra or Cialis. If you would rather avoid that conversation with your regular doctor, there are also legitimate online pharmacy options that can help without an office visit.
Many men find that sildenafil/tadalafil combination treatments, such as those offered by RocketRx, can help improve erection quality and overall confidence.
Can You Actually Increase Penis Size?
After discussing appearance improvements, the next obvious question is whether it is actually possible to increase penis size.
The internet is full of pills, creams, pumps, and miracle supplements that claim to permanently enlarge the penis. The overwhelming majority of those products simply do not work. However, there is one method that has real scientific research behind it.
Penis Traction Devices
The only method that has consistently shown measurable increases in penis length in clinical studies is the use of penile traction devices. These devices work by applying gentle, continuous stretching to the penis over long periods of time. Over time, this tension stimulates tissue expansion in a process similar to how traction is used in other areas of medicine to encourage tissue growth.
Multiple medical studies have shown that men using traction devices regularly over several months can achieve measurable increases in both length and, in some cases, girth. The key point is that this process requires time and consistency. Most successful protocols involve wearing a traction device for several hours per day over the course of several months.
This is not a quick fix. It requires patience and commitment.
For me, the only thing that actually worked was a traction system. I used the Total Man device consistently over several months and saw real results.
Realistic Expectations
Most men who use traction devices correctly report gains of roughly half an inch to one inch in length over time, although results vary depending on consistency and starting size. While that may not sound dramatic, in the context of penis size, even small increases can make a noticeable difference in both appearance and confidence.
For example, moving from a five-inch erection to six inches represents roughly a 20 percent increase in length, which can significantly change both visual appearance and overall volume.
My Personal Experience With Traction Devices
Because penis size was something I personally worried about when entering the lifestyle, I eventually decided to try one of the methods that actually has scientific research behind it: penile traction.
I want to be clear that this was not quick or easy. It required a significant time commitment and months of consistent use. However, with patience and discipline, I personally saw real results. Over time, I gained a little over an inch of additional length along with some modest improvement in girth.
I spent months using a traction device consistently, and it was the only method that gave me real, measurable results. Over time, using the Total Man System, I gained just over an inch—and more importantly, a level of confidence I didn’t have before.
That experience is what convinced me that traction devices can work when they are used properly and consistently.
The device I personally used was the Total Man traction system, which I chose because it was far more affordable than many of the other high-end traction systems on the market. There are several legitimate traction devices available, and this is not the only one that may produce results, but I found it to be a very good value for the price.
If you are interested in learning more about the system I used, you can read more about the Total Man traction system here.
As with anything involving the body, results can vary, and success depends heavily on consistency and patience. But for men who are willing to commit the time, traction devices remain one of the few methods that have both scientific research and real-world user experience supporting them.
FAQ: Swinger Penis Size
Do swingers care about penis size?
Answer: Penis size can be an important factor in the swinger lifestyle. While confidence, personality, social skills, and chemistry with other couples are major factors, a large penis size can open doors and opportunities in the swinger lifestyle. In environments where nudity is common, size can sometimes attract attention or spark curiosity. This factor can be even more important for single men at hotwife or BBC-styled events.
What is the average swinger penis size?
Answer: There are no formal scientific studies measuring penis size specifically within the swinger community. According to the best scientific studies available, the general population penis length average is about 5.16 inches erect. Based on years of observation at swinger clubs, resorts, and lifestyle events, the average swinger penis size appears to be noticeably larger, with our observations suggesting an observed average in excess of 6 inches. While this one-inch difference may seem insignificant, it represents men in the upper 10% of the general public.
Why does the average swinger penis size seem larger than average?
Answer: Several factors likely contribute to this perception. Swinger environments often involve public nudity and situations where men may be sharing their partners with others, which means men who are comfortable with their bodies are more likely to participate. Men who are larger and more confident may also have more success socially, which encourages repeat participation. Over time, this creates a natural self-selection effect.
Do swinger women prefer larger penises?
Answer: Research suggests many women prefer penis sizes slightly larger than the statistical average. A study by the University of California found that women preferred sizes over 20% longer than average. If you look at the preferred penis volume (which considers both length and width), the preference difference is even greater, with women preferring a penis with roughly 50% greater volume than the average. That said, preferences vary widely. Many women prioritize attraction, personality, chemistry, and sexual skill over size alone, but our observations indicate that swinger women have even more of a preference for a larger penis than the general public.
Can you be successful in the swinger lifestyle with an average penis?
Answer: Absolutely. Many of the most successful men in the lifestyle are completely average in size. Confidence, communication skills, and the ability to socialize comfortably with other couples usually matter much more than physical measurements. A larger penis can sometimes make things easier in certain situations.
Why are single swinger men or bulls often even larger?
Answer: Single men in the lifestyle must stand out to succeed. Because of this, the men who participate most actively as bulls often tend to be very confident and physically noticeable. At certain events or dynamics where size is part of the fantasy, larger men may be more common.
How can male swingers make their penis appear larger?
Answer: Several simple changes can improve appearance without changing actual size. Grooming pubic hair, losing excess weight around the pubic area, and improving erection quality can all make the penis appear larger and more visually impressive.
Is it actually possible to increase penis size?
Answer: Most products marketed for penis enlargement do not work. However, medical research has shown that penile traction devices like the Total Man system can produce measurable increases in length over time when used consistently for several months. Results vary, but some men report gains of roughly half an inch to over an inch.
What is the best penis measurement for what women actually feel during sex?
Answer: Both length and girth matter, but volume is the most realistic measure of size during intercourse. Volume reflects how much space the penis occupies during penetration, which is what a partner physically experiences. Studies show that women often prefer increases in both length and circumference.
Final Thoughts on Swinger Penis Size
Many men, considering the lifestyle, worry about swinger penis size and how they will compare. Size is not always the most important factor in the swinger world, but it is also not something that can be completely dismissed.
It does not help anyone when people claim that penis size does not matter at all and that men should just “get over it.” That simply does not match reality. Anyone who spends time at swinger clubs, resorts, or lifestyle events will quickly notice that men with larger penises often attract attention.
That does not mean those men are automatically more successful overall. Confidence, personality, social skills, and chemistry still matter in most situations. But it would be dishonest to pretend that size never plays a role. Both research and real-world observation suggest that many women are at least curious about larger partners.
The important thing is to keep that reality in perspective.
Plenty of men with completely average penis sizes do extremely well in the lifestyle because they are confident, relaxed, and enjoyable to be around. If you can move past the anxiety and focus on those qualities, you will likely do just fine.
At the same time, if penis size genuinely bothers you, there are things you can do about it. Improving your physique, trimming pubic hair, losing excess weight, and improving your erection quality can all make a noticeable difference in appearance and confidence.
For men who want to go further, methods like penile traction devices can also produce real changes with enough time and dedication. That was the path I personally chose.
When my wife and I first started exploring the lifestyle, my concerns about size were very real. Instead of ignoring those concerns, I decided to address them directly. I improved the appearance of my penis through grooming, weight loss, and better erection quality. Later, I committed to using a traction system consistently and eventually increased my size by more than an inch.
It took time and effort, but the result was a level of confidence that made a real difference in how comfortable I felt in swinger environments.
In the end, swinger penis size should not control whether you explore the lifestyle or not. But if it is something that genuinely bothers you, there is nothing wrong with taking steps to improve your confidence and your situation.
Confidence is what ultimately makes the biggest difference in the swinger lifestyle. If improving your penis size helps you achieve that confidence, then for some men it can absolutely be worth the effort.