Are you and your partner thinking about having your first threesome with a single man? This can be a scary step but if you go about it the right way your threesome can be extremely fun and sexually stimulating. There are also a few potential pitfalls that you should try to avoid on your threesome journey.
So let’s take a look at some of the basics that you should think about before your first threesome with a single man. We will look at the threesome dynamics, the couple’s rules, goals, and boundaries. We will, also, look at some of the benefits you can get as a couple from your threesome.
We will explore the best ways to find the perfect single man for your threesome from clubs and local swinger events to creating a compelling online profile on swinger websites. Additionally, we will take a look at some of the issues facing the men of the couple in the Important Note To Men Who Are Considering Sharing Their Wife section.
Table of Contents
Getting Ready For Your Threesome With A Single Man
We are going to assume that you are in a good spot as a couple because if you are struggling then you should not be even considering a threesome with a single man. A threesome is something that can be fun and enhance your relationship but it will absolutely destroy a couple that is already in trouble.
The female half needs to be comfortable and relaxed to enjoy your threesome. The woman can not even think about enjoying herself when she is worried about her male partner’s confidence or insecurity. When she knows that her partner is secure and supportive, she can truly relax and enjoy the experience.
The male half of the couple needs to be confident in both his relationship with his partner and in his own sexual ability. For more information on this be sure to check out the Important Note To Men Who Are Considering Sharing Their Wife section.
You need to have some open and honest conversation about what both of you are looking to get when you have your threesome with a single man. What are your dynamics, what are your goals, and what are your boundaries?
Once you know that you are both on the same page and that you are both comfortable, you can start searching for a great single man at a swinger event found on SLS (SwingLifestyle) or search online for the perfect man on AFF (Adult Friend Finder) which allows you to search by numerous charecteristics (even penis size).
Threesome with a single man dynamics
There are some basic relationship dynamics that people fall into when having a threesome with a single man. There is the cuckhold and hotwife dynamic, there is the stag and vixen dynamic, and what I call the swinger couple dynamic.
A cuckold and hotwife relationship involves a consensual arrangement where a committed couple engages in sexual activities with others. The dynamics vary, often including the husband (cuckold) finding pleasure in watching or participating in his partner’s (hotwife) interactions. Some relationships may incorporate consensual erotic humiliation, such as verbal degradation, within established boundaries. All activities must be agreed upon and conducted with the consent of all parties involved.
Stag and vixen dynamics involve a confident male partner, known as the “stag,” who takes pleasure in watching his female partner, the “vixen,” engage intimately with others. Unlike cuckolding where humiliation plays a role, stags are empowered by their vixen’s experiences.
The swinger couple dynamic is the group that my wife and I find ourselves in. This type of couple is seeking fun sexual experiences with other couples, single women, or single men depending on the mood or who is available. The man in the relationship may be straight or bi-sexual. In our case, I am straight and the sexual interactions are just between my wife and the individual men.
SwingLifeStyle.com
Some terminology that helps figure out the sexuality in a threesome with a single man is that it is often called an MFM threesome when the two males only interact with the female and there is no gay contact between the men. An MMF threesome is when there is an interaction between the men.
This article is related more to MFM as that is what I have experience with, but I am sure much of the issues are the same not matter what your dynamic is.
It is important to let the single man know what your dynamic is ahead of time. You do not want to have some guy try to humiliate you if that is not your thing, you do not want him to think you are just going to watch when you plan on interacting with your partner, and you do not want him to think that you are interested in gay interactions if you are straight.
Your Goals in a threesome with a single man
Your goals in a threesome with a single man goes beyond just your threesome dynamics. These goals can vary greatly from couple to couple and these objectives span a broad range, encompassing the various things that people find sexually arousing.
Are you looking for a friendship with your single man? Are you looking for a one-time hook-up? Do you want to find a guy with specific physical characteristics?
We have met other swingers who enjoy having a friendship that extends beyond the bedroom. When they have a threesome with a single man they want it to be part of an ongoing friendship and plan on meeting up with the single man on multiple occasions.
When my wife and I meet up with a single man for a threesome, we are looking for a friendly person whom we can chat with a bit but after the threesome, we don’t usually keep in touch. We are friendly and talkative if we meet up with them but do not form a long-term relationship.
Many couples look for certain physical characteristics in the single man they meet with. This is a walk on the wild side for fun so why not look for the one that excites her? Maybe she likes redheads, maybe black men, or well-endowed men. This is not a race to find someone so take the time to find someone that excites her.
Your Boundaries for a threesome with a single man
Just like with any swinger activity that you undertake as a couple, it is important to set your boundaries as a couple before having your threesome with a single man. This can be essential to maintaining your healthy relationship as a swinger couple.
If it is your first time, are you planning on just meeting or are planning on actually going to a room for some fun? Will you limit it to oral sex only or will she have penetrative sex with one of you or both of you? Will there be kissing? Do you expect the guy to wear a condom or will it be bareback? There are a ton of scenarios that can happen so you need to discuss them ahead of time.
The rules that you have should be shared with the single man that you are planning on having a threesome with. Let him know so that your limitations do not lead to hard feelings. If you have a no-kissing rule this lets him know that she isn’t kissing him because of a rule not because she doesn’t find him attractive.
Once your single man knows the rules he can decide if he wants to participate with you or not. Try to let him know ahead of time so he isn’t showing up expecting something else. With pretty much any limitations you can find a single man who will be interested.
One of the most important things is to have a signal between the two of you to let the other know that you are not comfortable with what is happening. We have two signals, one for I am not comfortable with this specific thing and one for I am done so get me out of here.
Discussing this all ahead of time can help prevent hard feelings over how your threesome with a single guy goes. Remember that in the end, you will be going home with your partner, and doing something that you are uncomfortable with can ruin the whole experience.
We also find that it is important to stick with the rules even if you both want to change them during the encounter. Often, you will meet a fantastic single man for your threesome and everything just seems to click. In this situation, it can be tempting to remove the rules that you have established.
Say you were only planning on having oral sex but you both find fun and easy to talk to. She really likes him and the male half feels really comfortable with him. It can be tempting to have a quick side talk and decide to remove that rule and make it a full penetrative sex encounter. Don’t do it.
Last-minute changes can make one partner feel like they were pressured or that they didn’t have time to think it over. It can also lead to confusion as to what the rules actually are, which can mean one person unintentionally does something that makes the other uncomfortable.
Wait until your threesome with the other man is over and then discuss it by yourselves away from the situation. If you had a good time and want to do more the next time, most guys will be willing to meet for another threesome. That way you can be on the same page when it comes to your rules.
What the Woman Gets From The Threesome
It may seem obvious what the woman gets out of the threesome with a single man but there is much more to it. Besides the actual sex of the threesome with a single man, the woman also gets things that are much less obvious.
Most women love the feeling of desire by multiple men. Having two men desperately wanting them is a real confidence and mood boost. It is no secret that when you are in a long-term relationship many women start to feel that they are undesirable. The MFM threesome reminds a woman of how desirable they are with both men being so stimulated by her.
There are also just some things that you can’t do with just one guy. My wife just loves being “spit-roasted” with her giving one guy a blowjob while being penetrated from behind. She loves the feel of it and being able to get off two men at the same time. No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to do that on my own.
Other women enjoy double penetration or giving multiple men oral sex. There are just things that you can do when part of a threesome with a single man that you can not experience as a couple. The threesome experience can give the woman a feeling of confidence and sexual power that you can not get as part of a couple only.
What the Man Gets From the Threesome
If you have never been involved in a threesome with a single man, you may be wondering what is in it for the male half of the couple. First of all, you get the satisfaction of giving your partner an amazing and unique experience. I enjoy it when I see my wife enjoying herself and would do anything to give her pleasure or feel better about herself.
There are also some more selfish reasons that a man could enjoy a threesome with a single man. It can be an amazing sexual experience for the man in the couple. My wife has truly amazing oral skills but when she is getting done by another guy it takes it to a whole new level.
The whole experience can take your partner out of the mundane world and into a world where they are a desired sexy lady. This sexy feeling that the women will get can last long after the threesome with a single man is over.
After having a good threesome, my wife feels sexy, naughty, and confident. She will rock my world for weeks or months after the encounter.
How To Find A Single Man For A Threesome
You have your dynamics, goals, and boundaries for a threesome with a single man, but now how do you find him? Sounds like it should be easy but in real life it can be a little more tricky. There are a few places that you can start your hunt.
Word of Caution: Use some common sense when meeting someone that you do not know. Meet in a public place and trust your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, go ahead and take off. We all love a great sexual experience but it is never putting yourself in an uncomfortable or unsafe situation.
Finding a man for your threesome that you know
One way that couples find someone for their threesome with a single man is to find someone that they know in their regular vanilla life. To be honest, we have never gone this route as we think it has a lot of pitfalls.
This seems to be a good route if you are looking for a man that you will have an ongoing relationship with. Many people who utilize this route already have a man that they know with whom they would like to have a relationship.
The plus of utilizing this method is that if you know the person it is probably easier to feel comfortable and safe with this person. If you want this person to be an ongoing part of your sex life, this can also be a great way to find single men as they will be local and available if everything works out.
The cons of this method are that this person will be in your life and you will have an ongoing relationship with them whether it is sexual or not. This can possibly lead to pressure to repeat the sexual encounter, the inability to keep your lifestyle secret if you are not open with it, and the possibility of emotional entanglement.
Finding a man for your threesome at a swinger event
This is a great way to meet a single man for your threesome. You can go to swinger events like a swinger club, swinger resort, or swinger house party that has single men at it. The men at this type of event are familiar with the swinger lifestyle and can make a great addition to your threesome.
There are some advantages to finding your partner for your threesome this way. First of all, is that you can meet the person without any assumption that you are going to play with them. This takes the pressure off meeting them and allows you to see the person and talk to them before even bringing up the threesome.
Another advantage is that it allows for a spur-of-the-moment decision. My wife often decides that she is interested in a threesome with a single man at the last minute. So much depends on her mood and how flirty she feels that night. At a swinger event, you can act if the mood hits you or if you find a person especially appealing.
There are a few disadvantages to this method. One possible disadvantage is that if there are not any clubs or resorts in your area you will need to wait for a swinger house party which may not occur regularly in your area.
Another is that you are limited to the selection of men that are attending the event. Depending on the event, there might not be a lot of single men there as some limit the number of single men allowed. Check out the event online ahead of time to get an idea of how many single men will be there.
SwingLifeStyle.com
A great place to check out these events for single men is on SLS (SwingLifestyle). This amazing swinger website has a listing of events at swinger resorts, swinger clubs, and swinger house parties. You can find out if single men are allowed at many of these events. Another great thing is that you can even the single men who have signed up to attend the event. You can even contact these single men on the website ahead of time to get to know them.
Finding a man for your threesome online
Our favorite way to find a single man for our threesome is with swinger websites. With the swinger websites, you can search for a single man in your area or in whatever area you want to meet them. You can look for certain characteristics in the men.
We use AFF (Adult Friend Finder) to find single men for our threesomes. We do this for a couple of reasons. First of all, there are no clubs or resorts close to us so we always have to travel to those. More importantly, AFF has the best interface to find exactly what you are looking for.
Their search function lets you put in a location with a radius around it. You can then search by relationship status (single man, single woman, couple), age, sexual orientation, ethnicity, penis size, and more.
Whatever she is looking for to fulfill her fantasy, you can find it on AFF. It is not the only swinger website but it is the best for finding single men for your threesome. Say she wants to find a young BBC for a threesome, put in the search area, drop the age down to a range of 20-35, put in Black for ethnicity, and select large and x-large for penis size.
You will be amazed by how many results will come back. In addition, if you create a great online profile, you will have tons of amazing single men reaching out to you.
The con to swinger websites is that you are meeting these people online and you do need to take some common sense precautions. Carry on an online conversation for a while and ask questions, the weirdos become obvious pretty fast, if it is too good to be true then it probably is, and always meet for the first time in a public place.
Just be careful, we have never had a problem and have not heard of anyone that has but the potential is there.
Important Note To Men Who Are Considering Sharing Their Wife
Men who are considering sharing their wives in a threesome with a single man must face their insecurities before ever doing this. Men are supposed to be tough and fear nothing but we have a lot of fears when we are thinking about being in a situation where we may be compared to other men.
If you go into your threesome with a single man with these insecurities, you are going to harm your relationship with your partner. Don’t take the risk. Face your insecurities ahead of time and take action to improve your confidence.
When my wife and I first started in the swinger lifestyle, we found all kinds of articles dealing with the fears and insecurities of women but very little for men. I found that with many swinger couples, the woman has the confidence and the swinger drive while the man has major worries that hold him back.
Two major concerns that men face when looking at a threesome are their sexual performance and their penis size. So what steps did I take to gain the confidence to feel good about myself and let my wife enjoy our threesome with a single man?
Your Sexual Performance
Having fun in the swinger lifestyle is difficult when you are worried about your sexual performance. This was a problem that I had at one point. The libido was there and I wanted to perform but it was not as easy to get it up as it was when I was younger.
If you have any concerns about your sexual performance, check out this article on at-home acoustic wave therapy. The Hollywood elite has used this type of revolutionary treatment for years. The Phoenix Device let me perform like a porn star and gave me the confidence for the swinger lifestyle.
Your Penis Size Concerns
Like many men, I had always been worried about my penis size. When my wife wanted to get involved in the swinger lifestyle, my penis size anxiety increased. When we first started, I was so concerned about my penis size that I could not even consider a threesome with a single man even though I knew my wife would love it.
If you are a male swinger that is insecure about your penis what you see in most single men making themselves available for threesomes is not going to make you feel more comfortable. You will find at swinger parties, clubs, and online that many of the single male swingers are just really well-hung.
I did not need to have the biggest penis in the room but I wanted to have a penis that I would not feel ashamed of. Your confidence is key when it comes to having a threesome with a single man. If you are nervous or uncomfortable, your partner will not be able to relax and have the time of her life.
Check out The Truth About Swinger Penis Size for information on this delicate subject. What is the average swinger’s penis size, does penis size matter to swingers, how to make your penis appear bigger, and how to make your penis bigger (yes, this is scientifically possible with a little catch).
