The swinger no kissing rule is one of the most common rules with people new to the lifestyle. It is also the most commonly discarded rule by swinger couples. Why do so many new swinger couples have this no kissing rule and why do so many drop it soon after getting into the lifestyle?
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What is the swinger no kissing rule?
The swinger no kissing rule is a rule that swinger couples have in which they will only kiss their partner and not kiss anyone else. Usually, the no kissing rule only applies to kissing on the lips and does not include kissing on the thighs, breasts, vaginal area, or penis.
This is a rule that a swinger couple will impose on themselves as a limitation on how far they will go in the swinger lifestyle. This is not a general rule and is not even prevalent in the swinger community but is probably the most common rule that new swinger couples will impose on themselves.
We did an informal survey at a swinger event and found that about one-third of swinger couples said that they started out with the no kissing rule. Of those that had been in the lifestyle for over a year, none still had that rule in place.
Why do swinger couples have the no kissing rule?
Most swinger couples say that they have the no kissing rule because they want to maintain kissing as a level of intimacy that they will share with their partner only. They look at kissing as being an extremely personal act that they tie to feelings of love between them and their partner.
Many people look at kissing as being even more intimate than having sex. We all remember the excitement from those Jr. High kisses when we were first figuring things out. These feelings may be why many are fine watching their spouse have sex with someone else but not seeing them kiss.
According to a Healthline article, intimate kissing can release a burst of oxytocin which is also known as the “love hormone”. This hormone is important in helping to form loving relationships and according to the article is even important in forming monogamous relationships so this could easily be why it can be hard to let go of this rule.
We believe that another unspoken factor that is often there is that making a rule like the no kissing rule gives you a feeling of control in the situation. I know that when we first started swinging that I really wanted to be in control of the situation.
We had the no kissing rule because I asked for it. I was into the swinging scene and wanted her to enjoy it as well but did not want her to enjoy it too much. The no kissing rule was my way of exerting control and placing boundaries. It was like I was setting up a boundary just to see if she would cross it.
I know that this sounds evil of me but it was the way I felt when we first got started on this journey. From talking to thousands of other swingers, I do not feel like I was alone in these feelings. I am glad that once we got started that all my fears went away and I was just able to enjoy the swinger lifestyle.
Why do swinger couples get rid of the no kissing rule?
We have yet to encounter a swinger couple that has been in the lifestyle for more than a year that still has the no kissing rule. This rule seems to only last for the first encounter or two at most.
The main reason that we have found is that kissing seems to be a very natural expression when you are having a sexual encounter. It is just so easy to get caught up in things and start kissing. Unless you are into playing the gotcha game, one of you is very likely to break the rule early on it is no big deal.
Another issue with the no kissing rule is that the swinger lifestyle is full of very outgoing and affectionate people. When you go to swinger events, everyone is hugging and kissing all of the time. It is the standard greeting. So it is kind of weird to kiss someone when you meet them but not when you fuck them.
The last major reason that we think the no kissing rule goes out the window quickly is just the swinger experience can help you grow as a couple. When we got started, it just made our relationship stronger.
We quickly realized that our intimate relationship was based on our love and trust in each other and not on some physical activity. If we trust each other to have sex with others and maintain our relationship, why can’t we trust each other when kissing others?
Our main goal was for each other to be happy and excited. This is much easier to do when we are not worried about what the other is doing. It is much easier to relax and have some fun when you let what happens to happen.
So is the swinger no kissing rule a bad thing?
While the swinger no kissing rule is probably the first rule to go out the window, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having this rule. The main thing about the swinger lifestyle is to have fun and do what you are comfortable with.
If it makes you more comfortable to have the swinger no kissing rule then have it. Just be sure that you communicate well with your partner as to what your expectations are in regard to your rules. Do not ever just assume that you have the same rules. Talk about it with specifics.
The other thing is to communicate this rule to anyone that you may be swinging with. Do not expect them to know your rules. Doing this out in the open before things start is very important. This lets them know where you are at and gives you an opportunity to clearly express your expectations with your partner before you play.
If the other couple doesn’t like your rules and complains or ignores them, you shouldn’t be playing with them anyways. People like that are not worth your time.
Be good to yourself, be good to your partner, and stay in your comfort zone. Just be aware that your comfort zone with the no kissing rule may change over time. Sometimes in a very short time.
Meeting Up With Other Swingers
If you are new to the swinger lifestyle, there are a couple of online sites that swingers use to meet up with other swingers. These two sites are SLS (SwingLifestyle) and AFF (Adult Friend Finder).
Swingers can use these sites to help make swinger connections in a couple of ways. One of these websites is great for making connections before traveling for a swinger club, resort, or event. This helps to increase our chances of finding a nice compatible couple when we go to one of these places.
The other website is best for making connections with individual swinger couples or singles that you can meet one on one locally.
We have done this many times and have had some great fun doing this. Remember to be smart and always meet in public spots and be smart but with a little common sense, you will meet some incredible swingers.
SLS (SwingLifeStyle)
SwingLifeStyle.com
SLS is by far the biggest and most popular website for club and resort events. This is the website where swingers can meet other swingers at any swinger club or resort that you might visit. You can connect with other members that are going to these events ahead of time.
This is great when you are traveling because when you show up you will already know some other swingers. This website has club listings that let you list yourself as going to a club, resort, or event. You can also see who else has signed up as going.
So even when you are going somewhere for the first time, you will already have made a few connections. Having someone to meet up with and say hi can make the evening much more comfortable and fun.
This website is free to join and check out but you will need to upgrade to use all of the messaging functions. SLS (SwingLifestyle) is a must for swingers that will be attending events and is the number one site I would recommend.
Adult Friend Finder
Adult Friend Finder is quite different than SLS (SwingLifestyle). It is more geared toward making individual connections with other swingers and not toward meeting others at events or clubs. AFF users tend to post a lot more public pictures. We use AFF to set up one on one swinger dates outside of events.
This is a great website to meet local swingers to meet up right in your area.
Important Note To Male Swingers
When my wife and I first started in the swinger lifestyle, we found all kinds of articles dealing with the fears and insecurities of women but very little for men. I found that with many swinger couples, the woman has the confidence and the swinger drive while the man has major worries that hold him back.
This lack of confidence was one of the reasons that I pushed for the no kissing rule at first. As I did things to gain confidence, I found that the no kissing rule was no longer necessary.
1. Erection Quality in the Swinger Lifestyle
Having fun in the swinger lifestyle is hard when you are worried about maintaining your erection. This was a problem that I had at one point. The libido was there and I wanted to perform but I could not get the erection that I needed.
If you have any concerns about erection quality, check out this article on at-home acoustic wave therapy. The Hollywood elite has used this type of revolutionary treatment for years. The Phoenix Device let me get rock-hard erections that gave me the confidence for the swinger lifestyle.
Penis Size and the Swinger Lifestyle
Like many men, I had always been worried about my penis size. When my wife wanted to get involved in the swinger lifestyle, my penis size anxiety increased.
Check out The Truth About Swinger Penis Size for information on this delicate subject. What is the average swinger’s penis size, does penis size matter to swingers, how to make your penis appear bigger, and how to make your penis bigger (yes, this is scientifically possible with a little catch).
The Swinger Inferiority Fear
This fear had a lot to do with the previous two issues but I was very worried that my wife would find me sexually inferior after dabbling in the swinger lifestyle. Would my jealousies and insecurities get in the way of our having a fun time?
Read Male Swinger Insecurities for the story of how I overcame these fears.