I recently came across a posted question from a new swinger couple asking if overweight swingers could be successful. Most swingers agreed that they could be successful but seemed to sugarcoat their answers about the difficulty of achieving that success. So can overweight swingers be successful?
As a general rule, overweight swingers can be successful but there are some limitations on this. You need to define your success since being an overweight swinger can limit your options when picking other partners. Every swinger has different preferences; some will not play with fat swingers.
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What is the online opinion on overweight swingers?
When I saw this question posted online, a lot of my fellow swingers posted some kind but misleading answers. Being a little overweight myself, I appreciated the kind words but felt bad that they may be giving some overweight swingers unrealistic expectations.
According to many people, swingers are very accepting and body-positive people. They care more about finding swingers that are fun and outgoing than those that are physically fit. According to these people, being overweight will not affect your chances of being a successful swinger.
The actual question to the swinger group was, “Is being a plus-size couple a disadvantage?”
Most of the online answers about being an overweight swinger fell along the line of:
- Not at all
- Only if you let it be
- Not with me
- Be big and beautiful
- Absolutely not!
- Not in my opinion
- It doesn’t matter
- No way!
- We like em thick
I do not think these answers give a realistic view of what a new overweight swinger should be expecting. Being an overweight swinger is not as easy as many of these people would lead you to believe. I think that the real answer to this question is much more nuanced.
First of all, Swingers Are Awesome
Swingers are usually just awesome people. They are very accepting and open-minded. No matter what you weigh, you can go to a swinger party, club, or event and find tons of people that will talk to you and be nice to you.
However, this does not mean that they will necessarily sleep with you. All swingers have preferences and like all other people we are attracted to the things that we prefer. Many swingers will prefer to play with fit, thin, or athletic people.
This does not mean that overweight swingers will be left out. You can go to a swinger event and meet tons of great people. All of them will most likely be kind, open, and friendly. Some of them will have no problems playing with someone who is overweight.
So no matter what you read in this article, do not let it discourage you from going out to swinger events and having fun. Whether you hook up or not is beside the point.
We have had some great nights where we never actually played. We can get talking and laughing then all of a sudden everything is closing down. Then we are saying, “Damn it, we never hit the playrooms.”
Some Issues To Consider For Overweight Swingers
One problem with answering this question is defining an overweight swinger. Is the overweight swinger 10 pounds over the optimum weight, 20 lbs, or what is your definition?
My wife says she is overweight but I don’t see that and neither do any of our swinger friends. So if you are a couple of pounds above the optimum weight, probably nobody is going to notice and it will not affect your chances of success in the swinger lifestyle.
There is a difference between overweight and fat swingers or obese swingers. I do not know the technical difference but I think everyone knows what I mean. We all have different standards but we can find someone who is a little overweight attractive but there comes a point for most of us where we start to look at it as a negative.
I try to be kind and open to everyone I meet but that does not mean I find everyone equally attractive. I may find a woman that is 100 pounds overweight to be a sweetheart and talk to her all night but that does not mean that I would necessarily want to play with her.
My wife talks to and flirts with all of the men. She is really mostly about personalities and will play with men that are a little overweight (thankfully or we never would have got together). But there is a cut-off where she would not be interested in actually playing with the person.
Most people have a weight limit where they no longer find a person attractive and would not consider them as a swinger partner.
Of course, this is different for everyone. No matter what your weight, there is someone out there that would love to play with you. It may just be a much harder and longer search.
You Need to Define Success as an Overweight Swinger
Everybody is going to define success as an overweight swinger a little differently. These definitions will really determine your chances of success.
If your definition of success is hooking up every night with whoever you want then your chances of being successful are almost zero.
If your definition of success is going out to have fun, meet new people, and every so often hook up with some other fun swingers for play then you have a pretty good chance of being successful.
What is the issue?
The big issue is that swingers prefer to hook up with other swingers that they find attractive. I am not going to shock anyone when I say that most people find fit people to be more attractive than overweight people. This is why most movie stars are very fit and thin.
This does not mean that everyone is attracted to the same body type but there are a lot fewer people out there that prefer fat over thin. Some may prefer athletic over very thin but for the sake of discussion, I am considering athletic, thin, height/weight proportionate (HWP) all to be the same thing in this article.
Whatever you call it, that body type is generally preferred over overweight, fat, or obese.
When you go on the big swinger websites like AdultFriendFinder or SLS (SwingLifestyle), you find a ton of swingers that list things like “looking for HWP couples” or “we are physically fit and looking for the same”. These people are not being rude but just stating what they find attractive.
So whether you consider yourself an overweight swinger, a fat swinger, or an obese swinger, these people are not available as your play partners.
You will also find that physically fit swingers strongly prefer other swingers that are physically fit. If they take the time and effort to stay physically fit, it is obviously important to them. So if your goal is to play with a physically fit swinger, your options will be severely limited.
Often overweight swingers will end up playing with other overweight swingers. This is not a hard and fast rule but just a realistic look at what usually happens.
Overweight Swinger Couples vs Overweight Swinger Singles
I am probably throwing out a lot of unpopular opinions so I might as well keep adding to the list. It is much easier to be an overweight female swinger than to be an overweight male swinger. This affects the dynamics when it comes to overweight swinger couples and overweight swinger singles.
If you do not believe me about the difference in perception between overweight men and overweight women, just do a simple Google image search. Search for “sexy overweight men” and “sexy overweight women”. You will be amazed by your search results and it will be obvious which sex is perceived to still be sexy when overweight.
Overweight single female swingers can be very successful when looking to play with swinger couples. Many couples are looking for the elusive unicorn. They want a single woman to join in for FMF or FFM threesome. These women are hard to find (hence the term unicorn) and couples tend to be less picky about body type when looking for the extra woman.
Overweight single male swingers probably have the most difficult time when trying to find play partners. There are just a ton of single men available at the clubs and on AdultFriendFinder. This plentiful supply allows for swinger couples to be very picky when looking for a guy to join for some MFM action.
Overweight swinger couples kind of follow the same path as single swingers. Couples with fit men and overweight women seem to do much better than couples with fit women and overweight men. And both of those types of couples tend to do better than couples that are both overweight.
As a general rule, let’s say you take of group where the overweight people are all at a BMI (Body Mass Index) of 32 (obese is over 30). I would rank their general likelihood of finding play partners as follows from best to worst.
- Obese single woman
- Couple with an obese woman and fit man
- Couple with a fit woman and an obese man
- Couple with an obese woman and an obese man
- Obese single man – worst chances
Of course, there are a lot of other factors like personality, looks, sense of humor, etc… but this is just a list that assumes all other things are equal.
So Should Overweight Swingers Even Try
Yes, they should definitely try out the swinger lifestyle. If they have realistic expectations, most overweight swingers can be very successful in the swinger lifestyle.
As I mentioned above, I have a BMI sitting right at 30 so I am a male obese swinger and we have had fantastic success as swingers. We are in the couple with a fit woman and an obese man category (mid-way difficulty).
We have come across many great couples that were not interested in playing with us because of my weight. That is fine because we have found just as many couples that are fine with my weight.
Everyone has different tastes so there is always going to be someone that isn’t interested in playing with you. My wife is extremely hot but she is short. We have even come across a couple that said she was too short for them to play with. So basically everyone is shut out at some point or another.
Do not let being an overweight swinger keep you from trying out the swinger lifestyle. Just go into it with realistic expectations.
Maximizing Your Chances As An Overweight Swinger
These sites can be an excellent resource when you are looking to meet up with other swingers. The important part of using online sites as an overweight swinger is to be upfront and honest about your weight.
Your goal is to actually meet these swingers in real life. So you are not going to be able to hide your weight. Let them know ahead of time. You will find that many do not care. If they do care, you would have been wasting your time to meet up with them.
Overweight swingers can use these sites to help make swinger connections in a couple of ways. What we actually do is make some connections ahead of time before going to a swinger group event. This helps to increase our chances of finding a nice compatible couple when we go to the resort or club.
The other way is to use the sites to make connections with individual swinger couples that you can meet one on one. We have done this many times and have had some great fun doing this. Remember to be smart and always meet in public spots and be smart but with a little common sense, you will meet some incredible swingers.
SLS is by far the biggest and most popular website for club and resort events. This is the website where swinger groups post all of their events. You can connect with other members that are going to these events ahead of time.
This website is free to join and check out but you will need to upgrade to use all of the messaging functions. SLS (SwingLifestyle) is a must for swingers that will be attending events and is the number one site I would recommend.
Adult Friend Finder
Adult Friend Finder is quite different than SLS (SwingLifestyle). It is more geared toward making individual connections with other swingers and not toward meeting others at events or clubs. AFF users tend to post a lot more public pictures. We use AFF to set up one on one swinger dates outside of events.
Important Note To Male Overweight Swingers
When my wife and I first started in the swinger lifestyle, I found that I had a lot of insecurities to deal with in addition to my weight. By dealing with these insecurities, I was better able to embrace the swinger lifestyle.
Sexual Performance in the Swinger Lifestyle
Having fun in the swinger lifestyle is hard when you are worried about your sexual performance. This was a problem that I had at one point. The libido was there and I wanted to perform but it was not as easy to get it up as it was when I was younger.
If you have any concerns about your sexual performance, check out this article on at-home acoustic wave therapy. The Hollywood elite has used this type of revolutionary treatment for years. The Phoenix Device let me perform like a porn star and gave me the confidence for the swinger lifestyle.
Penis Size and the Swinger Lifestyle
Like many men, I had always been worried about my penis size. When my wife wanted to get involved in the swinger lifestyle, my penis size anxiety increased.
Check out The Truth About Swinger Penis Size for information on this delicate subject. What is the average swinger’s penis size, does penis size matter to swingers, how to make your penis appear bigger, and how to make your penis bigger (yes, this is scientifically possible with a little catch).
I used this information to increase the size of my penis. It was not easy but I actually found it easier to increase my penis size than to lose weight.
The Swinger Inferiority Fear
This fear had a lot to do with the previous two issues but I was very worried that my wife would find me sexually inferior after dabbling in the swinger lifestyle. Would my jealousies and insecurities get in the way of our having a fun time?
Read Male Swinger Insecurities for the story of how I overcame these fears.