After being in the swinger lifestyle for over three years, we find it interesting to take a step back and take a look at the pros and cons of it. Obviously, we have loved our time as a swinger couple but that does not mean that there are no negatives. So, what are the pros and cons of the swinger lifestyle?
The swinger lifestyle, characterized by consensual non-monogamy and engaging in sexual activities with other couples or individuals, has gained attention and popularity in recent years. While some individuals find fulfillment and enjoyment in this lifestyle, it is important to consider its pros and cons before deciding to explore it.
In this article, we will delve into the advantages and disadvantages of the swinger lifestyle, examining its potential benefits, challenges, and ethical considerations. This article is meant mostly to deal with the pros and cons of the swinger lifestyle for couples but swinger singles may find it interesting as well.
Table of Contents
Pros of the Swinger Lifestyle
When thinking of joining the swinger lifestyle, there are some pro points that are very obvious. However, once you actually start to explore the lifestyle, you will find that there is a lot more to it that can be fun and beneficial.
Studies into the benefits of the swinger lifestyle have been limited but tend to show that many couples involved in the swinger lifestyle can maintain healthy and satisfying relationships.
The sexual fun and exploration are great but the deep satisfaction and appreciation of the lifestyle may come in some unexpected areas.
Pros of the Swinger Lifestyle:
- Exploration of Sexual Fantasies and Variety
- Enhanced Communication and Trust
- Breaking Social Norms and Challenging Jealousy
- Community and Support
- Meeting People That You Would Never Have Met Otherwise
Let’s take a closer look at these pros of the swinger lifestyle.
1. Exploration of Sexual Fantasies and Variety
One of the primary attractions of the swinger lifestyle is the opportunity to explore diverse sexual experiences and fulfill various fantasies. Engaging in consensual non-monogamy can allow couples to experiment, enhance sexual satisfaction, and add excitement to their intimate lives.
This is the main attraction that most of us initially think of the swinger lifestyle. These are the fantasies that you secretly talk over as a couple before joining the swinger lifestyle. This is why it is rated our #1 in the pros of the swinger lifestyle.
All of these fantasies can happen in the swinger lifestyle and we have personally experienced many of them. We have been in the swinger lifestyle and tried many things that we only fantasized about before. We have done threesomes (adding both a male or female), soft swapping, orgies, full swapping, and more.
These experiences allowed just to have fun exploring our fantasies together and fun enjoying the variety of people and experiences in the swinger lifestyle.
Variety is the spice of life. While there is nothing wrong with a monogamous relationship (if it works for you), those in these traditional relationships lose out on this variety. Swingers are not looking for something better usually. They are usually just looking for something interesting and new.
We have gone to fantastic resorts in Jamaica and Florida. We have gone to swinger clubs all over the country. We have played with other swingers at hotel takeovers and house parties all over the place.
This has led us to have some great sexual experiences and try things that I never thought we would get to experience. This is our top advantage of the swinger lifestyle.
2. Enhanced Communication and Trust
Successful participation in the swinger lifestyle requires open and honest communication among partners. This can lead to improved communication skills, increased trust, and strengthened emotional connections. Couples often find themselves discussing desires, boundaries, and insecurities, fostering a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and promoting a strong foundation for their relationship.
We have found this to be a great advantage of the swinger lifestyle. We have been married for almost 30 years and we found out so much about each other in the three years since joining the swinger lifestyle.
We have learned about our fantasies and what really stimulates each other. We have learned about our fears and insecurities.
The Greatest thing is that we have learned that we can communicate with each other on an incredibly honest and open level without having to be afraid of what the other might think.
When you have conversations about watching your partner have sex with multiple other people, all of a sudden nothing is off the table for conversation possibilities. This benefit of the swinger lifestyle will spill over into other areas of your relationship and you will be able to discuss many issues more openly and honestly.
3. Breaking Social Norms and Challenging Jealousy
Engaging in the swinger lifestyle challenges traditional notions of monogamy, allowing individuals to question societal norms and explore alternative relationship structures. It provides an opportunity to confront and address feelings of jealousy, possessiveness, and insecurity, potentially leading to personal growth and emotional maturity.
This is another advantage of the swinger lifestyle that is often overlooked. Before becoming swingers, we felt that we were incredibly boring people. This really can drag on your feeling of well-being.
Now that we are part of the swinger lifestyle. I feel that we are exciting people that are fun to be around. This has helped us to be outgoing in other areas besides the swinger lifestyle.
I used to be rhy at work before joining the swinger lifestyle. But if I can go to a clothing-optional swinger resort like Paradise Lakes and walk up to a stranger and carry on a conversation while nude, I can certainly talk business with a stranger while fully clothed in business attire.
4. Community and Support
Another advantage of the swinger lifestyle involves participation in a community of like-minded individuals who share similar interests and values. This community can provide support, camaraderie, and a sense of belonging, reducing the feelings of isolation that some individuals may experience due to societal stigmatization or misunderstandings about consensual non-monogamy.
We have made so many great friends at swinger events. We get to know them on a level that you just don’t get to in the vanilla world. You will even make friends with people that you never even play with.
Hanging out, partying together, and sharing stories is just a great pro of the swinger lifestyle. We often use some great swinger websites like SLS (SwingLifestyle) to keep in touch with a lot of our swinger friends.
We use these websites to check out upcoming events, find out who is going, and coordinate our visits to meet up with friends.
5. Meeting People That You Would Never Have Met Otherwise
A huge advantage of the swinger lifestyle is meeting people that you never would have met otherwise. The swinger lifestyle is just so open and accepting of different things. We have met, talked, and laughed with people from so many different lifestyles.
We have gone to events and met swingers that are into BDSM, piercings, tattoos, transgender, and countless other things that we only previously saw on Jerry Springer (does that date me?). None of these things are for us but we just love talking to people that do things that are different to us.
We think it is a huge pro of the swinger lifestyle that you get to meet and interact with these people. It has helped me to become a much more accepting and less judgemental person. We know that many people would look down on the swinger lifestyle, which we really enjoy. So why am I going to look down on someone else’s lifestyle?
Cons of the Swinger Lifestyle
While we think that the swinger lifestyle is great, there are still some cons of the swinger lifestyle. You need to be aware of these potential pitfalls and discuss them with your significant other before entering into this lifestyle.
The most important thing to remember is that while the swinger lifestyle can bring some excitement, fun, and joy to a relationship, it is not going to fix anything that is already broken. If your relationship is not strong, do not even consider the swinger lifestyle.
Cons of the Swinger Lifestyle:
- Emotional Complexity and Jealousy
- Impact on Existing Relationships
- Stigma and Social Judgment
- Potential for Miscommunication and Consent Issues
- Limited Availability of Suitable Partners
1. Emotional Complexity and Jealousy
Participating in the swinger lifestyle can evoke complex emotions, including jealousy, insecurity, and fear of losing emotional connection with one’s partner. Navigating these emotions requires strong emotional intelligence, effective communication, and a commitment to addressing and resolving any issues that may arise.
This is our #1 disadvantage of the swinger lifestyle. This was a lot more complex than I ever thought it would be. I dealt had a much harder time dealing with the jealousy issue than my wife did but this can be different for every couple.
The one thing that many guys are not ready for when they enter the swinger lifestyle is that women tend to get a lot more attention at lifestyle events than the guys receive. This can lead to the guy feeling left out.
I remember getting upset with my wife even though she had done nothing wrong because I felt that she didn’t work hard enough to bring me into the mix of things when she was getting a ton of attention. You need to be willing and insert yourself into what is going on.
When my wife really enjoys getting attention and may not notice that I am being left out but if I put myself forward I will more than likely be welcomed into the fun. If I put myself forward and was somehow rejected, my wife would notice that and she would not want anything else to do with the situation.
Most things that raise up the jealousy monster are tied to miscommunication like that. Some other things can be more complex.
I know that the first few times we tried some MFM situations I had a hard time figuring out my emotions. I was both excited and jealous. I loved that my wife was stimulated and I loved the things she did to me while she was stimulated but also felt a little jealous at the same time.
So while this is one of the cons of the swinger lifestyle, it is just very complex sometimes to deal with these emotions. Sometimes things are exciting and difficult at the same time.
2. Impact on Existing Relationships
The swinger lifestyle can place strain on existing relationships, especially if both partners do not have the same level of enthusiasm or comfort with non-monogamy. It requires careful consideration of boundaries, regular check-ins, and ongoing communication to ensure the emotional well-being and satisfaction of all involved parties.
This is another big potential disadvantage of the swinger lifestyle. If your relationship is already in trouble, do not even consider becoming swingers, it will not fix your relationship.
To have a successful relationship as swingers, you need to have excellent communication and trust in your partner. Anything less will lead to disaster.
We often meet new couples that are not on the same page with what they want to happen. We get out of those situations immediately because we know it is going to end with drama and disaster.
If you are insecure in a relationship, listening to or watching your partner enjoying themselves while having sex with another person is not going to help you get over that.
Open communication and the willingness to limit yourself to the comfort level of your partner are key to the first steps into the swinger lifestyle. When you go past the comfort level of your partner or even pressure them to go past their comfort level, you are asking for trouble in your relationship.
3. Stigma and Social Judgment
Engaging in the swinger lifestyle may expose individuals to societal stigma, judgment, and discrimination. Society’s traditional views on monogamy and relationships can create challenges in terms of acceptance from friends, family, and colleagues. It is important for individuals considering the swinger lifestyle to be aware of and prepared for potential social consequences.
This is one of the cons of the swinger lifestyle that lead to many people lying to family and friends about their lifestyle. To this day, we lie about our lifestyle to most people from our regular vanilla life. We still have school-age children and do not want to subject them to any teasing or anything else due to our lifestyle choice.
It is sad but I know a lot of people in our community that continually cheat on their spouses that would look down on us due to our consensual non-monogamy. They believe that the moral high ground is to lie and cheat instead of being open and honest.
4. Potential for Miscommunication and Consent Issues
Consensual non-monogamy relies heavily on clear and explicit communication, as well as enthusiastic consent from all parties involved. Failing to establish and maintain consent can result in boundary violations, emotional harm, and damage to relationships. It requires ongoing negotiation, trust, and respect to ensure the ethical practice of the swinger lifestyle.
This is another potential disadvantage to the swinger lifestyle that can be easily dealt with. Communicate early and often with your partner. Always obtain consent from everyone involved including your partners. Be willing to walk away from the situation no matter how much they turn you on if you cannot do these things.
Sometimes you do not always have the opportunity to communicate with your spouse when put into a new situation. Sometimes you are doing separate things or the situation is just not right to communicate. Always take the time to find a way to talk things through. If you can’t, it is just not worth it to go forward.
5. Limited Availability of Suitable Partners
Finding compatible partners within the swinger community can be challenging. It may take time to connect with individuals or couples who share similar desires, interests
This can be very challenging especially if you live in a rural area. The options can be very limiting. We suggest going to swinger resorts, swinger clubs, swinger resorts, and using online swinger sites to increase your odds of finding suitable partners.
We do tons of club and resort reviews here at SwingerLifestyleGuide. Use our search bar to search for your state, resort, or club. We, also, suggest using SLS (SwingLifestyle) to find an excellent listing of swinger clubs and swingers in your area. This is our go-to website when looking for clubs, resorts, and parties.
We use a website known as AFF to find compatible couples and singles in our rural area. Our area is very rural and there are no local resorts or clubs so AFF is very useful for us to find local swingers to hook up with.
Pros and Cons of the Swinger Lifestyle: Which one wins
Taking a good look at the pros and cons of the swinger lifestyle is extremely important before deciding to participate. If your relationship is ready, the swinger lifestyle can be extremely rewarding and fun. If your relationship is not ready, it can be a total disaster.
For those in a strong relationship with open communication, we think that the advantages of the swinger lifestyle far outweigh the disadvantage of the swinger lifestyle. We have found that since becoming swingers we are much more open and accepting with each other. The lifestyle has helped us grow as a couple and as individuals.
Just do not think that one advantage of the swinger lifestyle would be to fix a broken relationship. The swinger world will put you in situations that will strain any relationship that is not strong and healthy.
Meeting Up With Other Swingers
In order to take advantage of any pros of the swinger lifestyle, you need to find and interact with other swingers. So, how do you do that?
There are a couple of online sites that swingers use to meet up with other swingers. These sites are SLS (SwingLifestyle) and AFF (Adult Friend Finder). We use these sites to meet the couples that we hook up with at the swinger clubs, swinger resorts, and sometimes just on our own.
What we actually do is make some connections ahead of time before going on our trips. This helps to increase our chances of finding a nice compatible couple when we go to the resort or club.
SLS (SwingLifeStyle)
SLS is by far the biggest and most popular website for club and resort events. This is the website where swinger resorts, swinger clubs, and swinger house parties post all of their events. You can connect with other members that are going to these events ahead of time.
This website is free to join and check out but you will need to upgrade to use all of the messaging functions. SLS (SwingLifestyle) is a must for swingers that will be attending events and is the number one site I would recommend.
Adult Friend Finder
Adult Friend Finder is quite different than SLS (SwingLifestyle). It is more geared toward making individual connections with other swingers and not at meeting others at events or clubs. AFF users tend to post a lot more public pictures. We use AFF to set up one on one swinger dates outside of events.
Important Note To Men Considering the Swinger Lifestyle
One major disadvantage of the swinger lifestyle for men is our fears and insecurities. We are supposed to be tough and fear nothing but we have a lot of fears when we are thinking about being in a situation where we may be compared to other men.
When my wife and I first started in the swinger lifestyle, we found all kinds of articles dealing with the fears and insecurities of women but very little for men. I found that with many swinger couples, the woman has the confidence and the swinger drive while the man has major worries that hold him back.
Sexual Performance in the Swinger Lifestyle
Having fun in the swinger lifestyle is hard when you are worried about your sexual performance. This was a problem that I had at one point. The libido was there and I wanted to perform but it was not as easy to get it up as it was when I was younger.
If you have any concerns about your sexual performance, check out this article on at-home acoustic wave therapy. The Hollywood elite has used this type of revolutionary treatment for years. The Phoenix Device let me perform like a porn star and gave me the confidence for the swinger lifestyle.
Penis Size and the Swinger Lifestyle
Like many men, I had always been worried about my penis size. When my wife wanted to get involved in the swinger lifestyle, my penis size anxiety increased.
Check out The Truth About Swinger Penis Size for information on this delicate subject. What is the average swinger’s penis size, does penis size matter to swingers, how to make your penis appear bigger, and how to make your penis bigger (yes, this is scientifically possible with a little catch).
The Swinger Inferiority Fear
This fear had a lot to do with the previous two issues but I was very worried that my wife would find me sexually inferior after dabbling in the swinger lifestyle. Would my jealousies and insecurities get in the way of our having a fun time?
Read Male Swinger Insecurities for the story of how I overcame these fears.